The Bearer of the Burden
by sheiro2
Summary: Hi everyone! This story takes place after Third impact. Shinji decides to make a better world by elimiting bad memories in everyone, but they go to him instead and it drives him completely mad. Pretty cool ne?
1. Prelude

Hi everybody! I'm finally working on this fic again!!!! I'm starting over again because I realize that it isn't very good and it has a lot of mistakes. The begining will be really similar, but it will change a lot later.

Standard disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Evangelion, that's why this is called a **FAN**fiction duh.

I woke up and looked at my clock not really registering that it was 2:30 in the morning. Surprisingly enough I did not cry or scream like I thought I should have.

I thought over my memories and could barley discern which were actually mine or which were others. When I gained some sense of my surroundings I realized that I was in my bed at Misato's apartment, not in my eva. That was the last memory I had, well that's not entirely true. I had the memories of every person on earth's perspective of third impact running through my head.

Are you confused yet? I know I am and I'm the one telling the story. Perhaps it would be better if I started from the beginning.

Two days in the future.

I saw the world in millions of different aspects. I knew every detail of third impact and all of the preparations leading up to it. I knew that my father had abandoned me for the sole purpose of using me to complete third impact. I knew that SEELE had been planning this since the discovery of the Dead Sea scrolls. I knew of the Katsuragi expedition and the truth of second impact. I knew about Lilith and Adam and the creation of the world and everything that went with it. I knew every factor, and I was given the choice of whether all of the planning and all of the work would accomplish its goal, or if it would ultimately fail miserably.

I was given the choice of bringing back a perfect copy of the world before the third impact happened.

I was given the choice of creating a world with no rules where I could be completely free.

I was given the choice of death, life, or anything in between.

Sadly at the time I was loosing my mind while staring at a giant Lilith/Rei with a similar Kaworu protruding from its waist. This great decision was placed upon the shoulders of an emotionally unstable teenage boy who has been through hell.

All I can say is whoever picked me is a complete moron.

I talked to Rei, or was it Lilith? She showed me several possible outcomes of my decision. First I was shown a sea of LCL where no one has their ego borders to keep them apart. Then I was shown a world the same as our old one, full of the hate and pain that I know so well. Finally I saw the possibility of rebirth. Asuka and I lying alone on a beach in front of a sea of LCL. I did not wish for any of them. I knew that all of these choices would only bring me more pain.

I did not want to be one with all others, because individuality is what truly separates us, and I would miss the differences.

I did not want the world as it was because too many people were hurting from their past memories and experiences causing pain for them, and me.

I did not want rebirth because then I would only start another cycle of downfall which would only lead to pain.

The only thing I wanted was the world as it was, but without all of the pain. I thought for what seemed an eternity and decided on how I planned to accomplish my goal. Then I chose.

I woke up and looked at my clock not really registering that it was 2:30 in the morning. Surprisingly enough I did not cry or scream like I thought I should have.

I thought over my memories and could barley discern which were actually mine or which were others. When I gained some sense of my surroundings I realized that I was in my bed at Misato's apartment, not in my eva. That was the last memory I had, well that's not entirely true. I had the memories of every person on earth's perspective of third impact running through my head.

I was once told that there are many versions of people. There is the me in my mind, there is the me in Asuka's mind, there is the me in Misato's mind, and in everyone else's minds also. Though they are all different, they are all truely me. Though this confused me to no ends when I first heard it, I understand it now. I also realize that this is true for memories. Though there may be a memory of an event in many people's minds they are all true memories of an event. Even though each person sees the same thing a different way and subsequently has a different memory each person's memory is a true memory. The only way that these memories can ever be eliminated is by the death of the people who contain these memories.

Why am I telling you all this you may ask. It is for one reason.

When I decided on the world of my choice through third impact, I chose a world exactly the same as our old world except for one thing. I changed the memory of the people in the world who were emotionally damaged by a past experiences. I chose to make it so their memories of these events would be erased and replaced with another memory that would not affect their mental status harmfully. I thought that I would create a better world where no one was too hurt by their past to open up to others, like I was. There was one little detail in my plan that I did not foresee though. False memories could be added to anyone and everyone's minds with no problem, but because all memories are real and can only be destroyed by the death of the one who keeps them. The real memories had to go somewhere, and that somewhere was the mind of the creator of this world, me.


	2. Suite No 1 in G major

Shinji laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling, for once his ears not filled with his headphones.

He laid there and thought, thought of his new memories, and of his old ones. They all seemed real, mostly because all of them were.

There were lots of memories of watching family members die. Others were of being beaten to an inch of his life. The worst part was that as he recalled these he could almost feel the pain, like when in eva. Though it did not actually affect your body you still could feel it as if it was real. There were several memories that he couldn't quite understand because the person was blind or deaf. There were even memories of being mentally retarded.

As all of this raced through his mind he just laid there eyes open staring at the ceiling but not seeing it.

Hours went by and still Shinji lay there until it was 9:00 in the morning, about the time that Shinji usually got his waking call when his redheaded room mate was feeling well. Of course because of her change of memories this was one of those days.

"SHINJI NO BAKA! GET UP AND MAKE ME MY BREAKFAST!" screamed a certain feisty German girl who was particularly hungry and sore this morning for no reason she could put her finger on. In response to this outburst she got a reaction she wasn't used to from the third child, silence. She screamed again, but only succeeded in awaking Misato, who was also feeling strange for no apparent reason.

"What are you screaming about this early in the morning Asuka?" groaned a half asleep Misato as she dragged herself towards the refrigerator for her first morning beer.

"Baka Shinji won't get up and make me breakfast!" stated an obviously angry Asuka.

"Hey Shinji, get up before Asuka tears your door out of the wall, again." Said Misato in a annoyed voice. She had not yet had the chance to drink her first beer and was really not in the mood for this, but her answer from the third child was the same that Asuka had gotten, silence. Feeling slightly worried she walked to Shinji's door and opened it with Asuka looking over her shoulder.

"THAT BAKA IS STILL ASLEEP!" Asuka shrieked at the sight of the motionless Shinji lying on his bed.

'I wonder how he could sleep through her bi...' Misato's thought was cut off as she realized that Shinji's eyes were open. She walked up to him with Asuka close behind wondering what the heck was happening.

"Shinji! SHINJI!" Misato said nervously while waving a hand in front of his eyes. She shook him lightly, then when getting nothing in response harder. Pretty soon she had her hands on both of his shoulders and was shaking him as hard as she could. Still getting no response, except for the flopping of his head, she dropped Shinji on the bed and whipped out her cell phone dialing incredibly quickly.

"Hello! Ritsuko! Quick! Something is wrong with Shinji get a med team over here as fast as you can!" She screamed into the phone then picked up Shinji's limp carcass and carried it out of his room.

Asuka just stood there staring in shock at seeing her roommate in such a state. It seemed to remind her of something or someone from her past. The lifeless eyes digging deeply into her own, but of course nothing like that had ever happened to her so she figured that she must just be imagining it. After she snapped out of her deep thoughts she realized that Misato and Shinji were no longer in the room. Quickly exiting the room to see what has become of them, she found that the med team had just arrived and was already wheeling a lifeless Shinji out on a stretcher with a worried Misato close behind. Standing there watching him be wheeled away made her almost want to do something to help, but knowing that she could do nothing she let the feeling slide away. Although, as she stood there and watched him be taken away she couldn't get the thought out of her mind that he reminded her too much of a lifeless doll, and that bothered her horribly though she didn't know why.

Two weeks later

"So where's Shinji?" asked a curious Hikari. School had started again much to Asuka's disappointment though she was happy she could see Hikari again. Hikari's family had moved back to Tokyo 3, bringing Penpen, now that the angels had all been destroyed. Other families were also moving back to rebuild and fill the once deserted Tokyo 3.

"That baka is in the hospital." Stated a slightly annoyed Asuka who was bothered by the fact that in her first meeting with her best friend in a long time and she was already asking about someone else.

"What happened to him?" asked a worried Hikari. Though her and Shinji were never close she still considered him a friend and worried about him.

"He's in a coma" the words were barely out of her mouth when Hikari gasped loudly.

"How long has he been like that?"

"About two weeks I think" Asuka said in a nonchalant way not wanting to let on that she was actually worried about him.

"Two weeks? But the last angel was killed over a month ago. Wasn't it?" questioned a confused Hikari.

"That's the weird thing. It wasn't an angel that did it to him. In fact we don't know what happened. One day me and Misato found him like that lying on his bed" Coldly stated Asuka, still trying to keep up her charade. "Not like it matters, right?"

"Have you visited him yet?" asked Hikari.

Asuka, who was starting to become angry at her constant questioning of a secretly sore topic and seeming disregard to Asuka's well being shouted, "NO! WHY WOULD I WANT TO VISIT THAT BAKA!" and put her head on her desk just as the teacher walked in.

Hikari just stood there confused at what had just happened. She had just tried to find out how Shinji was, besides Kensuke was returning tomorrow and would want to know where his fellow stooge was. She then noticed that the teacher had come in and went through her daily responsibilities as the class rep promising to herself that she was going to apologize to Asuka at lunch, though she wasn't really sure what she was apologizing for.

In a dormant hospital room lies a young boy. Though this boy's body looked normal enough if you could see his thoughts then you could see what made this boy different that most. Slowly his eyes gained more focus and he uttered two words before falling into a light slumber. "Unfamiliar ceiling."

"Why was third impact not initiated?" questioned a large pillar with the number five on it.

"Our plans were perfect, but not everything went along with the plan, such as the failure of the dummy plug system in the eva series." SEELE member one said in a slightly irritated way.

"We are all aware of the fact that the eva series is unusable, but the question is what will we do now to start third impact?" number seven asked.

"There is nothing we can do. With all of the angels destroyed and the disappearance of Lilith and Unit one, along with the disassembly of the other units and the failure of the eva series there is no way to initiate third impact." Keel Lorenz stated calmly. In all truth he did not really want to initiate third impact and did not know why he ever did. There was something that he had wanted out of it, but he couldn't remember what it was. This conversation was a reminder of what spoiled little children he had been conspiring with.

"Now that there is no way to complete the human instrumentality project SEELE will be permanently disbanded." Stated Keel who was finally ready to lay his plans to rest and end his life in peace.

"What! You can't be serious! After all these years of planning and working you're willing to just end it like that!" shouted number three.

"You must realize that we have lost. There is no longer any way to accomplish our goal. Even with our years of planning, somewhere an error was made and now it is too late. There is nothing we can do. This meeting is over. I expect to never hear from any of you again." Keel's monolith disappeared and was soon followed by the rest one after another most mumbling about the unfairness of this or the time and effort that had been spent.

Keel walked to his bed and laid down on the spot he had been sleeping for countless years. He hadn't moved since he had been married to a loving wife who had picked this house specifically. He never had the heart to part with it even after his wife had passed away of old age and he continued to live on. He turned his head to look at the spot where his wife used to lie many years ago and realized that tonight he would go to be with her again. He couldn't remember why he had put off this day and continued to live for so long, but he now realized that it didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered anymore. He then reached into his drawer and retrieved the remote for his pacemaker. He turned the knob until it reached zero. He laid back, closed his eyes, and never awoke.

At the same moment as Keel closed his eyes Shinji opened his. He slowly sat up and looked around. He was alone in a hospital room. He knew this scene well, he certainly had been in this situation before. Shinji found and pressed the button that called a nurse. Several minutes later his door opened and in walked said nurse.

"Oh! You're finally awake."

"How long have I been in here?" asked a stiff Shinji.

"About two weeks." Stated the nurse matter of factly.

"May I leave now?" Shinji asked, hopeful that he could leave this place he hated so much.

"I just have to run a few tests then you're free to go." This wasn't normal procedure for a pilot, but because Shinji was a pilot who no longer had an eva and there were no angels around any longer, not to mention that they had been doing tests on him through out his time there, the doctors had no reason to keep him for longer than necessary.

Two hours later Shinji was in the waiting room calling Misato on a payphone.

"Yes, yes Misato. I'm fine. Alright, goodbye." He hung up the phone and sat in one of the seats waiting for Misato and hoping she wouldn't get herself killed with the way she drives.

The ride home was uneventful. It consisted of Misato asking questions and receiving one-word answers. After realizing that Shinji still wasn't feeling well she decided to keep quiet. When they arrived home Shinji, instead of being greeted by his other roommate, who was at Hikari's house, was greeted by a complete and utter mess. Beer cans and empty instant packages, along with other random trash, were strewn around the floor, on the table, and even in Penpen's fridge, which did not seem to bode well with the recently returned penguin.

"Where's Asuka?" Shinji asked.

"She's over at Hikari's." Misato answered.

"Alright" Shinji said seemingly with no emotion, then walked to his room and closed the door. Misato who was expecting Shinji to start cleaning right away was surprised.

"Does this mean you won't clean up?" she asked through the door only to get a quiet maybe later in response.

Shinji who was currently feeling like he was hit by a metaphysical train laid on his bed, put in his headphones, and fell asleep.

The next morning Shinji was woken up by Misato.

"Shinji, Shinji, get up." Misato said while lightly shaking Shinji.

"Why are you waking me up this early Misato?"

"School started again while you were in your coma and your teacher called to tell me that if you miss anymore you won't be able to pass the grade. I told him you had just been released from the hospital, but because the doctors couldn't really find anything wrong with you I don't really have a reason to keep you here. I'll tell your teacher that you can't make it if you want me to though." Misato said with a hopeful smile.

"I'll go" Shinji stated weakly, sitting up as he did so.

Misato walked out of the room and Shinji got out of his bed. He looked around his room. Everything seemed different than last time he looked at it. He got dressed and walked into the kitchen where he looked at what Misato had put on the table for him to eat. He politely declined the seemingly toxic food and left the apartment only hearing a quick, more for me, from Misato before he closed the door. He walked to school only stopping at the entrance to look at the school in a seemingly different perspective. He then opened the doors and walked in.

Shinji quietly opened the doors to the school, walked to his classroom, sat in his seat, and laid his head on his arms not even noticing the surprisingly filled classroom, the fact that Hikari and Kensuke had said "Hi Shinji," or the fact that everyone stared at him after this.

Everyone except Rei that is. Rei continued to stare at that particular spot of sky she seems to like so much.

The majority of the student body stared because they were new and had never seen the eva pilots before and were not even aware that they went to this school until they were told by other students. They knew that the third child's name was Shinji and that he was in their class. Had no one said hi to Shinji, no one would have ever suspected he was a pilot.

For the entire class Shinji never moved. Not even a twitch.


	3. Suite No 2 in D minor

**Suite No 2 in D minor**

Asuka was pissed, and by pissed I mean that her usual bad attitude was, well, pretty normal.

So this is her normal bad attitude only a lot more pissed. Why was she pissed? One reason, the third child.

Though she would never let on to anyone, she had actually worried about the baka. She even liked him a little, though she would never admit it to anyone…especially herself. But as for right now her attitude towards Shinji was, well lets just say that if looks and wishes could kill, Shinji would be dead in every possible way known to man.

'HOW DARE HE! I can't believe he just goes into a coma, stays in the hospital for two weeks, and then just comes to school and doesn't even say "Hi Asuka, how are you doing. I missed you."' Asuka was, quite obviously, actually angry over the fact that she worried over him when she constantly tells herself that she doesn't care. The fact that she had the whole morning class to brood in her anger didn't help Shinji's case either. What also didn't help was her 'best friend' saying hi and seeming to care so much about the boy that Asuka constantly makes fun of.

'It's as if Hikari never listened to a word I said about him!' These thought puts the icing on the cake and Asuka became pissed, no, beyond pissed. Sadly for him, this anger is directed at Shinji.

Lunch time came and just as the bell rang Shinji got up and walked out the door before Asuka, Kensuke, or even Hikari could catch him. Asuka quickly ran to the door to find him and tell him off, but some of the new students who didn't know better yet blocked her path. By the time she got to the door (leaving a line of bodies behind her) Shinji was already out of sight. Still angry she went back to the room with and sat down next to Hikari, who began trying to calm her down so they could eat their lunches.

Shinji got up as the bell rang and began to walk towards the door. He had a blank look in his eyes and was just sort of moving instead of going somewhere. He was still sorting out some of the memories and his body was working on instinct. So he walked towards the door. After he was out of the classroom he walked in a random direction never knowing that he had barely evaded Asuka's wrath.

He made his way down the hall and around the corner to the stairs just as Asuka disposed of the last obstacle (that poor guy, he'll never use that leg again), barley missing Asuka's line of sight. He moved up the stairs meaning to only go up one level, but before he realized it he was standing on the roof. Not bothering to go back down he climbed on the roof of the small structure that surrounded the stairs, subsequently reaching the highest point on the school, and stood at the edge while staring out into the city.

"Lets check out the roof!" said a girl who was ascending the stairs at the school for the first time.

"I bet it has a great view!" came from another girl who was with the first. They got onto the roof, never noticing Shinji, and moved to the railing to eat their lunches.

"How do you like this school so far?" asked the first girl.

"It's not too bad. Besides it's really cool that the evangelion pilots go here!" said the second girl.

"Did you see that Shinji kid that was here today? I heard that he is a pilot, but it's hard to believe." said the first girl who giggled after saying the last part.

"I didn't choose to be a pilot." Shinji said to the girls. The girls spun around quickly to see Shinji standing just above them. Startled and embarrassed at being caught talking about him, turned to face him just as he dropped from his standing place to go back inside. Speechless, neither girl could think of anything appropriate to say as he walked away.

Asuka was eating lunch with Hikari and was still irritated.

"Asuka, why are you so mad at Shinji?" Hikari asked calmly hoping not to set of an explosion.

"Well...it's because he was in his coma for two weeks leaving me to deal with Misato's food and cleaning, and then when he gets back he doesn't even give me so much as a hello!" Asuka said with a little thought.

Knowing how to some what diffuse the ticking time bomb named Asuka, Hikari said, "Sounds to me like you there's more to this than just that. Shinji just woke up from a coma it's only natural that he would be a little reserved, and it's not like he wanted to go into a coma so it isn't his fault that you had to eat Misato's cooking."

Not wanting to think about this obvious line of reasoning and where it could lead Asuka deftly made an attempt to change the subject, "Why are you so worried about Shinji lately? It seems like you have a crush on him or something."

"What! No, I just know that he has a hard time with piloting and everything 'everything mostly being you' and I just want to help him out." Hikari said blushing profusely.

"What so you want to help him because he has to pilot! What about me! I have to pilot too you know." Asuka said getting angry again.

Seeing that the German girl was heating up again Hikari knew she was treading on dangerous ground, "Well, it's just that you're a better pilot, and you don't need anyone's help."

Asuka accepted this answer and wondering why she was angry in the first place let the whole thing go. Hikari was surprised that she had let it go so easily. For Asuka this was really good. Deciding to not look a gift horse in the mouth...also wondering what exactly that meant...Hikari quickly changed the topic, and before she knew it Shinji walked back into the room and was soon followed by the teacher.

Shinji once again sat in his desk and laid his head on his arms for the whole period. If he had bothered to check the school intercom he would have noticed that the whole class was trying to talk to him for one reason or another, but, of course, he never did.

After the final bell rang Shinji headed for the door and was quickly followed by Asuka who said goodbye to Hikari then left. Asuka quickly caught up with Shinji who wasn't really giving chase. In fact if you had asked her, Asuka would have said that Shinji looked really out of it. He was just staring blankly into space and didn't even seem to notice when Asuka started walking next to him. Asuka, who was getting very annoyed at being ignored smacked him on the back of the head.

"What's wrong with you baka?" she said. Still getting no response she smacked him again harder. This time Shinji slowly turned his head to look at her and his eyes seemed to regain focus.

"What is it Asuka?" he said in complete monotone.

"Mein Gott! What's your problem! You wake up from a coma that you've been in for two weeks and you don't even give me so much as a hello!" Asuka practically screamed.

"Hello" Shinji said and continued walking. Asuka just stared at him blankly for a moment before catching up to him.

"Well I guess it can't be helped." She said. Suddenly Shinji stopped in his tracks.

"What did you just say?" He asked unbelieving.

"What? I just said it can't be helped." She stared at him oddly. Shinji seemed to think to himself for a moment and then continued walking.

"Why are you acting so weird?" Asuka asked.

"I don't think you've ever let something go that easily before, but I know why you did it." Shinji said.

"What was that supposed to mean?" But she never got an answer out of Shinji who had gone back to staring forward blankly again.

Shinji and Asuka walked into their apartment and were greeted by a slightly drunken Misato.

"How was school today?" she asked with a slight slur in her voice.

"Fine" replied Asuka. Shinji however didn't give a response. He just walked into his room and closed his door.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Misato.

"That's what I want to know" replied Asuka.

Darkness, totally encompassing, and totally complete. For the past hour or so I've been wondering whether my eyes are open or closed. It doesn't really matter anyway. Either way all there is, is darkness. How long have I been here? It seems like an instant and eternity at the same time. How long has it been since I slept? Am I asleep now? Have I ever slept? Is this all a dream? Nothing seems real. I know what memories are mine, but aren't they all? Every second another one arises in my mind. They come so fast some times I think I'm there. I can almost feel the pain of a knife or a fist or a bullet traveling at incredible speeds only to find it's way into my body. Every time a new one comes I am a new person with a different life. Are these all false memories that were given to me, or am I a false memory of theirs? Maybe I never got out of that Eva. Maybe I never got in that Eva. Maybe there is no Eva. Maybe there is no me. Is it all real? Is any of it real? Am I real?

Shinji laid in his bed thinking for hour upon hour. It had been three days since he had gone back to school. It had been three nights since he had gone back to school. Three sleepless nights. Three sleepless days. Years ago Shinji had attended a science fair at his old school. A boy had been having trouble sleeping and had researched insomnia for his project. This boy had said that there were three types of insomnia. The first type involved trouble sleeping and occasional sleepless nights. The second type involved waking very early in the morning and not being able to return to sleep. The final type of insomnia was the ultimate, no sleep. A man had asked the boy if you could die from lack of sleep. The boy's reply was that you couldn't die from lack of sleep, but from records of people that have had the third type of insomnia death would be better.

Shinji got out of bed not truly caring what time it was, just knowing that he couldn't take the emptiness any longer. He took a long shower and began to start making breakfast. He was halfway through cooking when he accidentally knocked a few pots and pans off of the counter which made a loud noise. He calmly picked up the things that had been dropped when he heard a door open.

"What are you doing?" came a female voice from behind him.

"Cooking." he replied emotionlessly.

"Do you know what time it is?" she asked.

"Actually I don't." he responded.

"Well for your information it is four in the morning and we don't eat breakfast until at least six." she said in a grumpy tone.

"Then I will store this in the refrigerator and make breakfast later." Shinji said.

"...whatever, I'm going back to sleep." She said and trudged back to her room.

"Goodnight." he said after she went back into her room.

By four-thirty he had finished cooking and, true to his word, stored the food in the refrigerator. Shinji then began to clean the house, a thing that had not been done in over a week and a half due to his coma and subsequent lack of activity. By five-thirty he had the small apartment very clean minus vacuuming and other such loud cleaning activities. Shinji began to cook again and by six when his roommates awoke he had a large and delicious breakfast spread out for them. Overjoyed at the abundance of food that Shinji had made, after having to deal with Misato's attempt at food for so long, Asuka sat down and began eating the small feast. Misato, seeing that Shinji had already put a beer on the table for her also sat down, drank her morning beer, let out a scream of how great it was, and began to eat the small feast also. Shinji sat down with them after a few minutes but didn't have anything to eat. Assuming that he had already eaten they continued down his well cooked food.

"Shinji, why did you make so much food today?" asked a curious Misato.

"I couldn't sleep and I had nothing better to do than cook and clean." Shinji said while staring at the table. Looking around for the first time Misato and Asuka noticed that the apartment truly was clean.

"I'm going to head to school now. Asuka your lunch is in the kitchen." Shinji said while still staring at the table.

"Oh and I'm sorry for waking you up last night." He said never looking away from the table. He then got up and left. Asuka turned to Misato.

"How did he wake you up last night?" Asuka asked.

"Me? I thought he was talking about you!" Misato replied confusion in her voice. The two girls just stared at each other for a while wondering what Shinji had meant. Then Asuka got up, got her lunch, and left for school.

Author's notes

For those of those wondering why Misato and Asuka are still acting kind of negligent they must remember that even though all their really bad memories are gone that doesn't mean that all their bad memories are gone, and this takes place right before third impact which is probably the most screwed up time in the whole series minus End of Eva.


End file.
